you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
