This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize