Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
