3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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