I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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