The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
