I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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