I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
oh god the rape fog is back!
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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