I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
