apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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