But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
