It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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