Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I would fuck him just for his dog
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
