this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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