You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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