last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
no more duck duck goose at the bar
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
