her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
