i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
