Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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