Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
