shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
