I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
