well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
