I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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