Pants 0. Shit 1.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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