its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
