I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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