I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
