Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
