Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
