i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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