did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
