bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
