I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
