After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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