OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
