You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Randomize