: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
