Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
