dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I can't turn off my feet"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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