college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
