I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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