There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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