Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just gargled with NyQuil
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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