Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I'm passing your future prison.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
