Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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