I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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