I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
