she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
