I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
