birth control should be required to get into college
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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