Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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