They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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