hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
