You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
