I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
