The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
