OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize