oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
