So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
