YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
