Umm I'm too high to move.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I could have mohawked her pubes.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
