You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
