just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
