We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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