dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
