I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
not ubering you a puppy
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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