I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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