these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
