The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You can't just leave with hair like that
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
