He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
