i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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