WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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